Retrospective

A cup of chocolate drink and a cushioned chair is enough to make you philosophical and think about life. That's what I have been doing for the past 1 month. When you have semester exams and nothing to study, this is how it ends. Rewinding back to 2 years, thinking how I was makes me laugh. I used to run to every class and wave and greet everyone with so much excitement. That's how hyper I was.

These two years has changed everything. Few things make me happy and few don't. The fact that i have become matured makes me proud at the same time sad. This maturity made my face the typical 'Poker Face'. I used to be more expressive than this. But right now I'm in this phase of analysing how to be matured and crazy at the same time.

I took an imaginary portion from my part, tore it and threw it away. That was a poisonous portion that made my whole body toxic. Well people call it Ego. Guess what? Getting my good old friends back again. This ego kills people. Its addictive like a cigarette. Once you experience that feel, you start liking it. That's only when people come behind you knowing about your ego.

Well, obviously you become the centre of attraction. But nothing is permanent. It just fades away and that's when you realise how poisoned you have become. And by the time you realise, you won't have anyone by your side. Solitude is what you all have. I hope you don't want that. No one wants that in fact. Change is evident, but don't become a lifeless monster. Wish we can always remain a kid, with no ego and be free. Let half of your soul still be filled with blossoms and colours. Feeling retrospective. 

Reveal it out

How will life be if  hallucinate and talk to an imaginary friend? A friend who knows everything about our life and watching us from a corner. It's like we have moulded a clay into a creature took it from our mind and placed in real. It's just our mind we are talking to. How will that be? Why will that be a problem?

Of course we all are psychos in one way. They just show it out and we don't. And i actually didn't mould something from my mind and placed it which is actually not possible. So instead i have something called ''personal diary'. It's my mind and i tell(write) whatever i feel. May  be that's the only thing to which to which i truly reveal my feelings. 

Be true. So according to my diary i'm an innocent, i care a lot and i'm in deep thinking always. But actually outside i'm a bold, frank and a matured person. It's totally contradicting to what i'm truly. But why? 

Why do we fear to reveal our true selves to the world? Because of the fear of isolation. Well, when everybody reveals their true nature and become isolated won't everybody be alone which is actually impossible because somehow or the other we depend on someone everyday. So there would be peace if all are true to others. The feeling of drifting away will be vanished because in the end we have no choice other than adjusting. Later, we would get used to it and accept everyone. So show that character which you reveal only to your personal imaginary friend to everybody. Life would become beautiful. I guess.

What do you girls want?

This might sound weird but being a girl i'm not able to understand other girls. I realize how hard it is for guys. These Facebook memes define woman as blonde dumb and idiots. I was furious when I read those,  but now I get to this feeling that 'may be'. I don't want to conclude with  'yes they are' because that would make me dumb too. Coming to the point, when I first joined girl's college, I was hoping for lot of fun since all are girls and we would have more freedom and comfort. But it actually went the other way around. 

I couldn't understand their logic. They befriend us, behave like best friends and then all of a sudden phoof! Vanish. Why? I'm not disappointed but rather confused in trying to understand my own sex. Frankly I even started reading woman's psychology books from library which were too big! 

They bitch about other people, then hang out with them, take snaps with those duck faces and upload with a caption like 'Love you Mwah'. Why this fakeness? 

Why can't they just be frank that they actually like hanging out with those people. Or they hang out just to get hot news for gossiping? See? Lots of questions for one simple situation. 

So an year just passed wondering about all these. but then started later I started ignoring these facts when I realised that there were two other girls who were as confused as me. We three are now best friends happy in our world with no gossips,no bitching. 

Not sure how long we all will be together, but till then what's the point of fighting? Just be happy and accept others for what they are. Apoo and Dipi. Love you both. And to other girls, seriously what do you want? No clue. 

Death is not the end!

Does death make people strong or weak? I think both can happen. Strong people becoming weak because they are not able to move on. Weak people becoming strong and moving on. Death is inevitable. Only after a loss, We will realize the importance of life's value and responsibilities. By responsibilities, I don't mean saving the family. It's about saving yourself and coming up in life. What if you become a successful businessman or a rockstar in future? It will happen only if you come up, become mentally strong and work hard instead of blaming fate which is phony. Remember, Death is not the end. It's the beginning. 

The Public Brain

Last week at exactly 1:30 PM, I got into M14 bus. I gave a 20 rupees note to the conductor and said "Oru Mount". He gave me a look as if I had asked to give his house property. He said "change ila" ( and yeah i could listen to the coin's sound very clearly for every shallows and speed breakers of our Indian roads). I didn't have change, so he said he will give it when the bus nears mount. Just 15 seconds before getting down at Mount and still he didn't give me the change.

When I asked him, he gave me the worst 5 rupee note ever and two two rupee coins. I was really irritated and I gave him the 5 rupee note back and asked for another one. He started speaking his very decent madras Tamil. I felt like having a competition with his local madras Tamil but time didn't permit me. i gave back the whole money, pulled my 20 rupee note and climbed down. Before he could start a fight, the driver started the bus (phew).

This post is not to share this stupid adventure of mine, but tell you all the open truth which you all already know about the behaviour of the public transport people.We face this problem everyday but yet we all remain silent. Why? Busy with our own business right? Nonsense.

This is a part of our life. People who are already having too many problems to deal with can't be taking the exact fair everyday. Conductors whose bags are dumped with coins and whose only concern should be passenger's safety and giving back the exact fair.

Something has to be done about this public issue. Only when we all spend a little time in this, something can be done. Bargain with them, fight with them until they give you your change (what you deserve) before your stop comes obviously. 

A farewell to the happiest days of my life!

Two days back, The most important phase of my happy days came to an end. My heart slows down when I think that I'm not going to stay in this place anymore! This is a  very nostalgic feeling.

When i visited my school all alone on a Sunday, I sat in my spot in that empty classroom. I could hear the voices saying, ' Potentiometer, Tomorrow there is going to be a sure test from all NCERT questions, sinA+cosA, Find the integral of,  Get out of classroom, Not in uniform, Where is the leave letter? . People screaming my name in all possibilities like ' Janavi, Jaan, Janu, John, Jimmy, Osheen, Jim Jam' and what not?  I'm for sure going to miss all these. All these words are baffling my mind, keep reverberating and is haunting me.

The soul inside me is questioning me 'What are you going to do next? Where are you right now? Where will you be tomorrow? Whats your destiny?'. I was just shouting back saying 'Calm down lady, there is still time to think about all these stuff'

I'm facing a weird mixture of emotions from tears, happiness, frustration, disappointment to anxiety. Those indefatigable teachers who sacrificed many things for us to teach us what life is. Ah, and finally friends, my lips get sweetened when i say the word.

Our friends were our souls, our reflections with whom we shared many things. We have argued, cried and laughed with them. So we are surely going to miss them like anything. Though whatever misunderstandings we had with our friends, in the end we will always remain close.

Of course, this situation comes for each and every student and it is indeed inevitable. So what can be done? Just accept the fact and move on with life. I would just request you all to stay in touch with your school friends and obviously don't forget the gurus who taught you everything and always be in touch with them.

Because our gurus would love to keep visiting their old students and they kind of long for it too. If any of you still has those stupid disputes with your old schoolmates,  just give them a call and talk to them. If not immediately, you will know later that that call was not a bad thing to do after all. Going to miss school like hell. 

A chance

Some few weeks back while  I was on my way to tuition, as usual i was looking all around and suddenly a scene got clicked as a picture into my mind and it just never went. A picture which disturbed me very much. A small boy was pasting a poster and the poster was about education.

The poster had the following words"stepping ahead to future". I couldn't stop getting this sight out of my eyes. I was feeling so bad for that kid. How ironic is that he cant even read what he was pasting but he would not been in that position if he was able to read that poster. He would have probably been studying in some school.

Children are indulged in labour work because of their family background. When students like me were having all facilities to study, we are still aloof and lazy. And there are children like him who cant even afford a pencil but have the passion and interest to learn. There is a lot of difference between the work we do and they do. We work to fill our heart while they work to fill their stomach.

I really don't want to differentiate as "them" and "we", its "us" the children of our country. So, move on and help them. Give them a chance too because,  in the end all are our brothers and sisters. Every child is special and people who are well off can adopt a child and educate them. This is just a small service which we can do.  Think about it, because we might lose a very good doctor, an engineer, an artist, a singer and more.

Just think about it.